If it’s snoozeworthy, it’s Sleep the Press.
If it’s snoozeworthy, it’s Sleep the Press.
It’s amazing what I find that I’d completely forgotten about. These small lit mags such as Defenestration come and go. Before they go, I sometimes catch them. This is circa 2008. Wow.
SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: There are some folk who believe this season’s persistent flu bug is a Russian biological agent. (No shit! The Surgeon General NEVER uses satire.) Don’t let these people near your children, especially in a teaching capacity. It’s their underlying condition (Stoopid) that’s the real contagion. Please wash your hands thoroughly before leaving certain campuses. If fever persists, check accreditation and request student loan reimbursement immediately.
In an astonishing and defining moment both for cryptozoology and the Russian Collusion narrative, Independent Counsel Bob Mueller revealed today that massive hominid footprints discovered outside both Trump Tower and the Kremlin originate from the same primate species, if not the same individual.
Posing proudly with plaster casts, Mueller sketched out his theory for a rapt group of journalists as well as some CNN folks with microphones:
“It all fell in place for us one 3 am after a few beers. Big Foot appears to have served as a missing-link emissary species, carrying collusion directives from the Kremlin to the Trump Campaign.”
Has Bigfoot been deposed?
“No. But we will be presenting blurry pictures at a later date.”
Is Putin directly implicated in this scheme?
“We have always operated from the premise that Putin is omnipotent. So yes.”
What about the recent revelations that your Russian troll indictment was lifted, whole-cloth, from a 2015 Radio Free Europe Ukranian article? Are in-house plagiarism indictments forthcoming?
“It’s DOJ’s policy never to comment on ongoing witch hunts. What I can say is that we will continue to move in a dogged and determined fashion to confirm all our original suspicions until justice fully serves our unquenchable drive for power.”
Do you have any comment on President Trump’s latest tweets and do you plan to explore his “400 pound genius sitting in bed and playing with his computer” theory?
“While we haven’t ruled out genius as a motive, we’re not appropriately staffed to directly pursue that avenue.”
What about the President’s suspicion ‘they’re laughing their asses off in Moscow’?
How does he know they’re laughing and when did he know it? Can we get a phone number please? Can we get a clue?
(This poem appeared previously on Dissident Voice)
A strange new force assails the land
laments the dismal swamp.
Collusion like a cancer grows.
This is no Sunday romp.
If we can’t pin it on the Chief,
some trollsome Slavs we’ll snare.
How dare they steal our POTUS seat,
the Deep State’s Biggest Chair.
Exogenous is dangerous.
We’re teleprompter guys.
Those circumventing tweets detract.
Control detests surprise.
Throw our bums out. Toss our bums in.
Your guy we’re sure to nix.
It’s Tweedle-Numb or Tweedle-Dumb.
Don’t shun our vetted list!
We caught some trolls. Thirteen, in fact.
Their mischief summed to naught.
It bumped the Parkland 18 off
the headlines like a shot.
Collusion presents a fascinating Rorschach. Any shrinks in the house? Those inside the System genuinely feel a sense of the outside world colluding against their sense of entitlement and lopsided power. Paranoia. The Russians are coming!
While many outside the System (maybe 30% of the country and growing) are increasingly aware of their profound disenfranchisement and the intense collusion that occurs at the highest levels of power to sustain this imbalance.
Cognitively, both suspicions are ‘correct’. That’s why there are now two American realities jostling within the tenuous Constitutional structure of one nation. Of course the elite manages to magnify its leverage by ensnaring half the nation in Manufactured Consent delusion (self-injury brought about by 24/7 false-consciousness propagation).
Eddie Bernays captured the essence of the Self-Harm movement (a movement he helped birth) with this amazingly elliptical and oft-cited statement:
“The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country”
To paraphrase Bernays, Democracy is a fine system as long as the voting masses are subliminally instructed regarding what lever to pull. A further perfection is to install a Uniparty system (as it’s called up here) so that all levers maintain the status quo.
Trump is an interloper. The lever-masters are apoplectic over his presidency.
But what about the captured 40% who fight the elite’s battle every day? These sad folks are like unpaid mercenaries. I’m embarrassed for them. Many of them are family members and professional acquaintances. If you want to marvel at the power of media, look at these sad sacks. The Spirit of Antichrist has colluded with their souls to vacate all reason and self-preservational instinct. God help them.
“Leave me alone. Can’t you see I’m stabbing myself to death?”