(This piece of SATIRE appeared previously in Russia Insider)
By now, it’s the kind of chutzpah Americans have come to expect from their elected leaders: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I’m getting paid big bucks.
At a hastily convened press conference in the Capitol rotunda, Republican Senator Jim Imhofe looked both shameless and defiant as he held the latest framed casus belli out for the world’s tired inspection. Although there’s a lot of animal hair in those hats, not to mention the beards, this was anything but a blurry Bigfoot photo.
However photographic experts are divided, mostly along party lines and between Corel versus Adobe. Some say the soldiers look suspiciously like a 19th century Cossack regiment. The photo indeed bears a striking resemblance to grainy, black and white pictures typical of the pre-Soviet era.
Careful readers will note also that the road sign in the foreground says Kiev alright, though the fact it’s in color suggests either the entire regiment was feeling decidedly gray around the gills on School Picture Day or photographic hijinks are once again driving US-Russian relations with a determination not seen since CIA U-2 pilot Gary Powers had his Kodak Brownie smashed on a Soviet runway in 1960.
Clearly eager to get the last show-and-tell debacle behind him, the Oklahoma Senator was quick to add that, the last time he clocked it, “Norman, Oklahoma is just under 2,500 km from the Ukrainian capital’s western city limits, provided you start due east at the Starbucks on the corner of West Main and Garver Street, then swim briskly to the Normandy coast from about Cape Hatteras.”
At the time of this report, no proud, warlike Cossack cavalrymen had been found, either in-saddle or out, to comment on the veracity of Senator Inhofe’s allegations. Thus the world is resigned to wait and watch –half-expecting to learn it’s getting yet more smoke blown up its South Pole.