As goes Guccifer, so goes Vlad…
Few today were prepared for the sight of the Russian President on the august steps of the US Justice Department in June, a satchel of Hillary emails clutched in his battle-ready mitt.
“I come bearing gifs and some JPEG screen captures”, said a grim yet politically adroit Putin.
How did Russia come to have these state secrets?
“We ran across them on ebay with no reserve. How is this possble? We bid quickly and didn’t overpay. At the last moment, someone took exception to our purchase. Paypal tried to reverse the transaction. But it was too late. We’ve since dropped Pootie-Poot and will be transacting under a different account in the future.”
(It should be noted that Chelsea Clinton, Vice-Chair of the Clinton Foundation has a 99.9 feedback rating on eBay, though the vice part makes some buyers nervous.)
Reached for comment, Hillary Clinton struck an improbably defiant tone: “The notion that I would let a $25,000,000 Saudi donation to the Clinton Foundation influence my seeming ambivalence on flagrant human rights abuses is absurd. I am woman. Hear me roar for paydays too big to ignore.”
Asked to comment on a very black day for America’s own gay community, Clinton continued: “Let me say this with all the conviction rank hypocrisy allows. This isn’t a day for politics because the optics are insurmountable.Tomorrow though is a fresh news day, Allah be praised.”